Bonus Episode: Space Jam
We discuss the movie Space Jam with special guest, Andrew Sproge of Front Row Film Roast. In preparation for the online roast of Space Jam happenning 6/6/20, we talk about what was going on in MJ’s life while filming and the making of the film. We also discuss Michael Jordan as an actor and his relationship to R. Kelly. And we examine why the film was such a success for capitalism. Click here for information on the online Front Row Film Roast of Space Jam.
Sources:
“The accidental movie star goes one-on-one with Bugs Bunny” Chicago Tribune 2009
Elevated: The Global Rise of the NBA by Harvey Araton 2019
“Space Jam: The story behind Micahel Jordan’s improbably victory” Entertainment Weekly 2016
“Chicago’s R. Kelly Brings Home Three Grammy’s” Chicago Tribune 1998
“Singles Reviews” Billboard 1996
Transcript:
Andrea: This podcast contains coarse language literally in the fucking title and may not be suitable for all listeners.
Guest: Fuck Michael Jordan.
Trevor: Welcome MJ haters and haters-to-be! This is the Fuck Michael Jordan Podcast, the world’s only podcast dedicated to the fact that Michael Jordan is an asshole. Come on and slam…
Andrea: ...and welcome to the jam.
Trevor: I’m Trevor Kelley
Andrea: And I’m Andrea Kelley.
Trevor: And we’re not saying that Michael Jordan is responsible for the militarization of space…
Andrea: But we’re not really saying that he isn’t either. All right, kids, we’re here!
Andrew: Nice.
Andrea: Space Jam episode!
Trevor: Yeah!
Andrea: We’ve got a treat for you! Andrew Sproge is in the house!
Andrew: Hello! Whoohoohoo!
Andrea: I’m sure I don’t need to explain who the exceptionally famous Andrew Sproge is to most of you, but any of you who have been living under a rock for the last...how old are you?
Andrew: 29…no I’m 30, oh my god.
Andrea: Thirty! The last 30 years, as all big fans would know, Andrew Sproge is 30 years old.
Andrew: Right.
Andrea: No, but Andrew here has been our friend and our comedy colleague for several of years and he is here to promote an online event happening this Saturday. Would you tell us about that?
Andrew: I definitely will! So we’re doing an online show, a roast of Space Jam which the three of us have done before live. Essentially we’re going to be playing the movie and comedians are going to be making up funny lines that are set up by different context in the show as well as making fun of Michael Jordan’s life and his past and all kinds of fun things. So that is happening June 6th; it’s totally free. It’s online, it’s going to be on Zoom; I’m sure there will be a link in the show notes to check that out. But it’s free and if you’ve never seen Space Jam, to set you up for not only the show, but for that roast, do you want me to talk about this or should I?
Andrea: Um, sure yeah, go for it.
Andrew: Space Jam is essentially…it starts off Michael Jordan is a young kid wanting to play basketball, talking to his dad about his dreams, as well as letting him know “when I’m done with basketball, I’m going to play baseball, too,” so he already planned this from an early age…
Andrea: He absolutely planned it.
Trevor: Just like real life.
Andrew: Right. And so the movie starts off in 1993 when Micahel Jordan “retires”…he definitely isn’t suspended for gambling or anything.
Trevor: Right, right. Didn’t happen.
Andrew: So he is playing baseball, and meanwhile at this fictitious amusement park called Moron Mountain there’s a bad guy Danny DeVito plays…
Andrea: The bad guys live at Moron Mountain?
Andrew: Right. He plays Mister like Showerhammer or whatever his name is.
Andrea: Shwackhammer? I don’t know.
Andrew: Shwathammer? Something bad. But he wants to up the amusement park attendence, so he figures “we can enslave the Looney Tunes from Earth and we’ll be able to make money from that.” So he sends his nerd squad, whatever they’re called, to earth and they try to enslave the Looney Tunes, but the Looney Tunes challenge them to a game of basketball. The aliens accept the challenge, they steal some of the best NBA players talents, uh, Muggsey Bogues is apparently one of the best.
Trevor: All 5’3” of him.
Andrew: Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Shawn Bradley, Larry Johnson, and for some reason not fucking Scottie Pippen…which is a whole ‘nother thing we can get into. Because Michael Jordan is a baseball player, they’re not able to take his talent. The Looney Tunes come to him for help, he agrees to join in a Space Jam basketball game for the fate of Looney Tunes kind, and the rest you’ll just have to see.
Andrea: And then who knows how it ends? It might be enslavement for the Looney Tunes.
Andrew: I haven’t seen any of them since 1995…
Andrea: It might be Michael Jordan loses.
Trevor: You know, Stephen Hawking warned us of the possibility of aliens coming and…
Andrew:…of a Space Jam.
Andrea: …coming, stealing most of our basketball players powers…
Trevor: Exactly.
Andrea: Awesome, yeah, we’re excited to see it. It’s going to be a real fun show. Yeah, like he mentioned, Trevor and I have also done live roasts for Space Jam.
Andrew: So we’ve all seen it a bunch of times.
Andrea: Between the three of us in the last two years, we’ve seen Space Jam probably twenty times.
Andrew: Yeah, I would say.
Andrea: So we all probably have more hatred for the movie. It may transcend my hatred of Michael Jordan which is saying something.
Trevor: I hate how much I still love it, honestly.
Andrea: But yeah, that should be fun. We’re not going to get too into the weeds about the movie itself here. That’s kind of going to be the job for the Film Roast show, so please check that out, again. The focus of this podcast has been and will always be that “Michael Jordan is an asshole” and there is plenty to explore on that theme in relation to the movie Space Jam. We’re going to be talking about what was going on in Michael Jordan’s’s life surrounding the film, the making of the film, Michael Jordan as an actor, and we’re going to examine why the film was such a success for Michael Jordan and for capitalism. How’s that sound guys?
Andrew: I love it. That was a perfect summarization for Space Jam.
Trevor: Did you say success for capitalism?
Andrea: It was absolutely a success for capitalism.
Andrew: And still is!
Andrea: Yeah. All right, we feeling looney tuney?
Andrew: Great.
Andrea: Everyone’s got your drinks?
Trevor: Yeah, yeah.
Andrew: Come on and jam!
Andrea: We do not talk about Michael Jordan sober. Andrew isn’t really a drinker, but he’s got…
Andrew: I’ve got some weed going on.
Andrea: He’s got a fuckton of ketamine in his system, so we’re good to go.
Andrew: I’m trying to quit the shakes.
Trevor: Now I got the slurs.
Andrew: The quivers…the slurs…
Andrea: Let’s get in the mindset here, let’s travel back in time to 1996, the year that Space Jam came out.
Trevor: Yeah, I was eleven years-old.
Andrea: We were all pre-teens, I think I was ten.
Andrew: The only thing wrong with R. Kelly was how handsome he was.
Trevor: But we were pre-teens.
Andrea: The Macarena was a worldwide phenomena. The N64 had just been released.
Trevor: Oh my god.
Andrea: Bill Pullman was president. Princess Di had a year left to live.
Andrew: Oh my god.
Trevor: And she knew it too.
Andrea: She knew that was her last year. And thank god Space Jam came out before she died. The website spacejam.com still exists untouched in all its 90s glory. I do recommend all listeners go take a look at that beauty and get into the mindset here. There were only about 100,000 websites on the internet at the time, so it was reasonably cutting-edge marketing.
Andrew: Right, one of them was Space Jam. What’s on the website?
Andrea: It’s got…it’s just like…it’s got a terrible background that’s like lots of stars like really really too busy. And then a bunch of icons that are, you know, super too busy as well, that you can barely read anything. You click on them and they’ve just got facts about Space Jam.
Andrew: Jesus, hey, that’s cool, though.
Andrea: Millions of kids visited this website.
Andrew: That’s insane.
Andrea: The ones that were lucky enough to have access to the internet at the time.
Trevor: This is the major source of our research.
Andrea: Yeah, 100% of research for this episode came from spacejam.com.
Andrew: Click on Moron Mountain! Let’s find out…
Andrea: At the time we had to call it “www.spacejam.com” like you did back then.
Andrew: Right, you always prefaced it with that!
Andrea: The internet didn’t know what it would be if you put just “spacejam”. As we discussed last episode, Michael Jordan’s marketing machine was always on the cutting edge of technology, and that’s just another example of that. As far as the writers of Space Jam go, though, they really seem to know about three things about basketball. Those are: 1) Dunking looks cool, 2) The players are tall, and 3) Michael Jordan is a god who can do know wrong. And we get to examine all of those here.
Andrew: That’s great.
Andrea: When Space Jam was conceived, Michael Jordan was already a household name all around the world. He had won three NBA championships, had quit basketball to play baseball for 18 months, and had come back to basketball when there were less than 20 games left in the 94/95 season.
Trevor: Did you put "quit” in quotes?
Andrea: Yeah, anytime, I say “quit”, “retire” anything, it’s in quotes. We would like to heavily imply that it was not Michael Jordan’s choice.
Trevor; Yep.
Andrea: But yeah, that 94/95 season when he’d just kind of squeaked back in, the Bulls did get into the playoffs, but lost in the second round to the Magic.
Trevor: Good.
Andrea: The media blamed Jordan for this, observing that he was not in his prime basketball shape. Which is fair because he was now. There’s kind of that famous comment that “45 isn’t 23” because when he came back, he was wearing the number 45.
Trevor: Well you know why he couldn’t perform in that number because that’s Donovan Mitchell’s number.
Andrew: Nice.
Andrea: That’s correct. He knew that the greatest basketball player of all time…
Andrew: Was yet to come.
Andrea: Was yet to come and would be wearing 43…or 45, oh my god.
Andrew: The number was already retired and he hadn’t played.
Andrea: Yeah. Forty-five was his brother Larry’s number in high school, which we’ve discussed before. We already know, Larry Jordan would have been the better…
Trevor: I wish he had played.
Andrea: I wish Larry was here right now.
Trevor: I wish he was here. He was our best son.
Andrew: The wrong son died!
Andrea: Now, we here as Jazz fans, making it to the second round of playoffs is a good season for us, but for the Bulls that year, they had won so much and it was a bitter disappointment. The media had a bit of a heyday putting all that weight on Jordan’s shoulders and as any listener of our podcast would know, he took that shit really personally. There was still plenty of controversy and speculation going on, of course, at the same time. His first retirement, there’s a lot of questions that we will continue to emphasize here. Space Jam was a convenient way to rewrite the way the story.
Trevor: I’m going to rewrite history!
Andrew: That’s how I’m going to fix this persona!
Andrea: No but like, honestly, how the openning scene of Space Jam shows him like “oh, I always planned on doing this baseball thing.”
Trevor: Right.
Andrew: It was a promise I made to my dad.
Andrea; Yeah, and if you’re a casual fan and you’re a kid and you’re a fan of basketball and stuff, you don’t know what the fuck’s going on, you’re like “oh, that’s a normal thing, basketball players do that all the time, I’m sure.”
Trevor: Sure.
Andrea: They also just faked that Michael Jordan’s father loved him, so…
Andrew: Come on in, Micahel.
Trevor: Yeah, come on inside.
Andrea: In the script version that Michael Jordan wanted it to be it was like mostly Michael Jordan’s father telling him how much he loved him.
Andrew: Michael, we gotta cut this script down! It’s just littered with…yeah, when Bill Murray showed up it was supposed to be his dad, like “he showed up to my game! Finally!”
Trevor: The original script that Michael wrote, it was a different movie. All about a father’s love for his son.
Andrea: All the marketing around Space Jam was already referring to MJ was the greatest basketball player of all time, which is honestly kind of a questionable claim in ‘96 when he’d only won the first three championships, but he was the most recognizable basketball player of all time, and would go on to pretty firmly establish that. And yeah, he went back to basketball to save the Looney Tunes from slavery.
Andrew: That’s the only reason he came back.
Andrea: As a child watching Space Jam it’s like “oh, it makes sense that Michael Jordan plays basketball again because he had to save the Looney Tunes.”
Andrew: And now he’s back in the game.
Trevor: All making sense.
Andrea: All of the gambling scandals, David Stern, whatever, had nothing to do with it. He was just there like “oh, the NBA needs to make more money? No. The Looney Tunes need to be saved.” Yeah, that’s the story we wanted to hear and the story Michael Jordan wanted us to hear, and it worked out just fine for him. He would use the time filming Space Jam to work on his body. He was given this…they called it he Jordan Dome, it had a gym and a full-sized basketball court and stuff. A lot of NBA players that off-season…
Trevor: There were soldiers that would fight to the death at his command.
Andrew: To get his adreneline up.
Andrea: A lot of current NBA players, er, not current, but current to the time, contemporary NBA players…would go play with him and stuff.
Andrew: Rodman, Ewing…
Andrea: And Rodman wasn’t on the team at the time, this was kind of the time that Rodman got recruited to the Bulls.
Andrew: Oh shit.
Andrea: Was hanging out with Jordan in LA when he was filming Space Jam. That’s kind of the time…Jordan was an influence in Rodman getting moved to the Bulls.
Andrew: Right, right.
Andrea: It was like “yeah, no, I’ve played with this guy.” There’s actually, I think, oh god, I didn’t write it down…I think it’s the director of Space Jam…somebody claims that he introduced Dennis Rodman and Michael Jordan.
Andrew: Wow, what a…like “oh yeah, that was me that made that happen.”
Andrea: That was me! Basically, the last Bulls three-peat, that was my responsibility..
Trevor: That’s such a like good ol’ boys kind of brag, like “you know, uh, I introduced those two.”
Andrew: Because Michael had never played the Pistons before.
Andrea: Right, right, he had no idea who Dennis Rodman was.
Andrew: …one of their best players.
Andrea: But yeah, he used that summer to turn that baseball body into a Space Jam body. And surprisingly, the Bulls’ coaches weren’t really that worried about their main player spreading himself too thin, which, I feel like this would never happen today at least in the way that it did. Like “oh yeah, go work out really hard, film ten hours a day, plus do like four hour workouts whatever. No big deal, come back to us fresh, thank you.”
Andrew: Whenever you want. No way.
Andrea: Tex Winter who was one of the assistant coaches of the Bulls.
Andrew: That’s a sweet name.
Andrea: Tex Winter is a sweet name.
Trevor: Tex Winter.
Andrea: He’s one of the original triangle offense guys.
Andrew: That’s cool.
Andrea: He was with the Bulls like even before…
Andrew: Phil?
Andrea: I think even before Michael, he was there a long time.
Andrew: I see.
Andrea: But anyway, he’s an assistant coach and he straight up was like “We didn’t worry about Michael. We figured Michael could take care of himself.” And that was that.
Andrew: He was wrong.
Andrea: During this workout time, too, Jerry Krause had encouraged Jordan to make a greater effort at weight lifting, he was a big believer in having big strong people, and Jordan was like “fuck you, I don’t like this.” Though he did end up getting really into weight-lifting, I mean, you can see a dramatic different in his body from the beginning of his career to the end of his career, but it was like “I need someone who isn’t Jerry Krause to tell me to do it.”
Andrew: Yeah, he’s like “Hey, listen Michael, you should lose a little weight, work out a little bit more,” as he’s like eating donuts by the fistful.
Trevor: This little fat dude, “you oughta lift.”
Andrew: It’s ‘93, I’m breaking up the team.
Andrea: Warner Bros pegged a certain director named Joe Pytka to direct the film. He was…
Trevor: A cousin of Mike Ditka.
Andrea: That’s right.
Andrew: He was a bizzaro world Mike Ditka.
Andrea: He was primarily a commercial and music video director, which shows in the film, I think.
Trevor: It does feel like one long commercial.
Andrew: It’s very true.
Andrea: He only ever made one other feature film other than Space Jam, and it wasweirdly enough about a gambling addict.
Andrew: Oh wow.
Trevor: You mean Wolf of Wall Street?
Andrea: It was some terrible movie about Richard Dreyfuss at the horse races, but yeah…
Trevor: Is that the title of it? “Richard Dreyfuss at the Horse Races”?
Andrea: I cannot remember what the title is, so yes, that’s the title. So Joe Pytka had been the director the first time that Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny were on screen together, for a Nike commercial a few years before the film. He had initially not wanted to do it, he said Bugs Bunny was too old-fashioned of a reference. The Looney Tunes, you know, were kind of an old-school thing.
Andrew: Sure.
Andrea: But Pytka quickly learned what Jordan had known for a long time now, you do what Nike says when they throw a fuckton of money at you.
Andrew: So true. I wish there would’ve been a Street Sharks/Michael Jordan universe.
Trevor: Oh my god.
Andrew: If he’d turned down Looney Tunes.
Trevor: I would have loved taht! Jawsome! Dunk!
Andrea: This Bugs Bunny/Michael Jordan commercial aired during the super bowl and was like a hugely popular thing, but even then it’s like “oh it was a huge commercial, let’s make that into a feature-length film!”
Trevor: Jesus.
Andrea: Like, oh, I really loved that dog that wanted a Dorito at the Super Bowl, I want to do that for an hour and half!
Andrew: Where was his journey? How did he get there? How did he grow? And what world did he return to having changed?
Andrea: I feel like this is already better thought-out than the Space Jam plot. A New York Times review of Space Jam would call out Pytka’s commercial-style filmmaking saying, “Mr. Pytka never need have a visual idea that lasts longer than 30 seconds here, thanks to the film's scriptless tale and giddy, cacophonous style. This film was made very quickly by animation standards, and the haste shows.”
Andrew: Accurate.
Andrea: Yeah. You’ll see on Saturday, friends.
Andrew: That reviewer was later murdered under mysterious circumstances.
Trevor: They found paladium in his blood.
Andrea: This kind of movie is hard to make, especially with the time crunch of only having Michael during the one off-season. Integrating animation and live action, even though it had been done for decades, most notably with Who Framed Roger Rabbit eight years prior, but was not an easy thing. Pytka would later say, “I think the producers weren’t that adept at mixing animation and live-action,” he says, adding it was easier for him thanks to his experience doing it in commercials. “I know that Robert Zemeckis [who was the director of Roger Rabbit] had told one of the producers that Roger Rabbit was the most difficult thing he’d ever done and he would never do anything like that again. So I don’t think they realized how complicated the process was.” To quote “The Making of Space Jam” a short promotional documentary put out before release of the film, “creating a complex, multi-faceted technological masterpiece such as Space Jam takes an army of technicians, artists, and craftsmen.”
Andrew: Good god.
Trevor: They’ve got these woodcarvers, sculpting away.
Andrea: There were 17 different studios around the world working on this thing and “roughly 906” people. Which is a weird…
Andrew: Whoa.
Trevor: Somebody lost a limb.
Andrea: Who says “roughly 906”?
Andrew: Yeah, roughly 906.5.
Trevor: Approximately, give an exact number.
Andrea: Why wouldn’t you just say “about 900”? I don’t know. Whatever. Some of the animation was done the way it’s always been done: an artist sits down with a pen and paper and draws a very sexy rabbit girl. But a good chunk of it was done on computers and a huge part of it involved green screen technology, which was still pretty revolutionary at the time. Pytka hired a troupe of comedy actors (such as yourselves!), that covered themselves in green and…
Andrew: What?
Andrea: And simulated cartoon characters playing against Jordan.
Trevor: You’re right! They’re just like us!
Andrew: That’s amazing. I would’ve taken that job!
Trevor: Yeah, are you kidding me?
Andrew: Listen, there’s a part coming up…
Andrea: The actors ran around on their knees so Jordan would know where to look, should he be interacting with Bugs or Daffy and stuff, like they all had their height that they were supposed to be. The Looney Tunes are fun enough, you know, for decades old cartoon characters. And the rest of the cast helps make the movie kind of decent. The best lines belong to like your Wayne Knights, and Bill Murrays, and…
Trevor: Larry Bird.
Andrew: Right, Larry Bird is…
Andrea: Right, the other NBA players in the film.
Andew: Larry, please…
Andrea: I think most people Bill Murray is the best part of Space Jam.
Andrew: Right.
Trevor: Yeah.
Andrea: Space Jam is not the best part of Bill Murray.
Andrew: No.
Andrea; I feel like wearing an umbrella hat on a golf course next to Michael Jordan’s one of those “sigh, my career”. This was pre-Wes Anderson Bill Murray, it was kind of, you know…anyway.
Andrew: Operation Jumbo Drop or whatever that was…
Trevor; Oh my god, I forgot that movie exists.
Andrea: I only ever saw a trailer for it, but it was on at the beginning of a VHS that I watched a lot as a child, so…
Trevor: It was like direct-to-VHS.
Andrea: Of working with Murray, Michael said in an interview, “Well I never really anticipated playing the game with Bill Murray, but when I looked to the left, actually I looked to the right, actually I don’t know which side I looked at..and I saw him, I was really nervous about passing the ball, if he could get it back to me, if he had the skills. But you know, he surprised me.” Which is, I don’t know, nice and long and rambling, but exactly what Michael Jordan feels about every teammate he’s ever played with, I’m pretty sure.
Trevor: I was worried he was going to forget who we were talking about by the end of the quote.
Andrew: Who are we talking about? I went left, no, wait I went right.
Andrea: I don’t fucking know.
Andrew: This meaningless…but it’s like well all about me, these people care about these details.
Andrea: Our last episode we talked about how Michael Jordan didn’t really do drugs, but I think at this point he is drinking. Especially when he’s doing Space Jam promo videos.
Andrew: He’s smoking a lot of jazz cigarettes.
Andrea: Even rougher as a “goofy side character” was Wayne Knight’s character. He plays Michael Jordan’s hapless assistant, because the serious tone of a movie about Michael Jordan playing basketball with cartoon characters needs that comic relief.
Andrew: That’s so true! I’ve never thought about that, like “who can we get for comic relief?”
Andrea: He’s the comic relief character!
Andrew: Who can undercut all this tension?
Trevor: Yeah, this is too serious.
Andrew: Not these Looney Tunes. That’s so true.
Andrea: The studio had originally wanted Michael J. Fox to play the Wayne Knight role.
Andrew: Yeah, that’s so crazy.
Andrea: But he was shockingly not on board. A large number of NBA personalities were on board, though. The Monstars get their powers as one plot description I found describes “by sapping the talents of Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkley, Muggsy Bogues and others.” I want to take that “and others” as a huge fuck you to Shawn Bradley and Larry Johnson.
Andrew: Yes. Do you think Michael told the producers, “I don’t want them taking the powers from Isiah Thomas? I don’t want them involved!”
Andrea: I don’t know, I think he would have played against the Monstars better if he knew one of them had Isiah Thomas’ powers.
Andrew: If he knew.
Andrea: I bet Michael requested specifically that it was just the Detroit Pistons and they were evil.
Andrew: Right, I want him to be the boss Monstar guy who takes Isiah Thomas’ powers.
Andrea: Bill Laimbeer is the Danny DeVito character.
Trevor: Bill Laimbeer…he kind of is in real life.
Andrea: Three of these players, Patrick Ewing, Larry Johnson, and Charles Barkley, had been All-Stars that year, they’re a big deal. And then Muggsy Bogues was kind of a mediocre point guard, honestly, but he was a star as an inspiration for short people. He’s only 5’3”.
Andrew: I knew who he was. I’m a short person, I’m 5’7” and I knew who Muggsy was.
Andrea: Yeah, exactly. At 5’3”, Muggsy Bogues is the shortest person to ever play in the NBA.
Andrew: Oh wow.
Andrea; It’s like, you know, “you can achieve your dreams regardless of height.” Which I think is cool.
Andrew: As long as you can jump fifty inches.
Andrea: Right.
Andrew: But other than that…
Andrea: Shawn Bradley is also played just kind of for laughs on his height. He’s the third tallest NBA player ever, at 7’ 6”. They actually wanted to get, god, I can’t remember who…
Trevor: Manute Bol?
Andrea: Yeah, Manute Bol, who is the tallest NBA player, but he did not agree to do the film, so I guess we’ll take the third tallest NBA player.
Andrew: I see.
Andrea: Shawn Bradley was still a mediocre player, he had been drafted really high and was seen as like a big bust. His stats were like okay, but he was just not…
Andrew: Right, for how big he is.
Andrea: He’s kind of the opposite of Bogues, where it’s like “regardless of your height you can fail at your dreams.”
Andrew: Yeah, that’s true, right, you can be a bad basketball player. You have all the talent and just…
Andrea: Actually if you look up Shawn Bradley one of the first things that will come up is a 30 for 30 short made about him that’s called “Posterized.” And it’s because he was on the wrong end of people dunking way too many…
Andrew: Too many people dunking, oh my god.
Trevor: He was the beginning of the end of the traditional big man idea.
Andrew: Big center.
Trevor: Where it’s like, see, just because you’re huge doesn’t make you a good as a center. There are other skill sets to have other than being massive.
Andrew: Right.
Andrea: Right. The highlight of Shawn Bradley’s career is probably when he got to say, “You know he probably doesn’t even have it anymore, guys,” to Michael Jordan in the movie Space Jam.
Andrew: That’s probably accurate.
Trevor: Wasn’t he Mormon, too?
Andrea: He was, yeah, he played at BYU, he was a one-and…I think he only played one year in college.
Trevor: He like talked about his mission one time.
Andrew: I think he went to Australia because he mentioned it in Space Jam. “If I could go back on my mission in Australia.”
Andrea: Yeah, something like that.
Andrew: He tries to give the other players a blessing, it doesn’t work to get their talent back.
Trevor: Consecrated oil.
Andrea: He knows he’s lost his powers because he masturbated and didn’t tell his bishop.
Andrew: Yeah, that’s when things happened! He’s like “how am I going to explain this to my wife; my career is over.”
Andrea; At least I knew that Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkley, Muggsy Bogues all masturbate, too.
Andrew: Oh my god.
Andrea: Harvey Araton in his book “Elevated: The Global Rise of the NBA” straight up talks shit. It’s funny because it’s like a pretty serious academic NBA book, but he’s still like, “As for Shawn Bradly’s being case as one of the players whose basketball powers were stolen by the conniving Monstars -- what could be loonier than that?”
Trevor: Ooo, wrecked.
Andrew: Yeah, who would want that power?
Trevor: What a burn.
Andrea: The most interesting talent who might have been involved had things worked out differently was Spike Lee. Pytka says…
Andrew: Whoa!
Andrea: Yeah, Spike Lee is a friend of Joe Pytka’s. “He approached me to do a polish on the script. I thought that Spike would have added some stuff that would have been cooler, but Warner Bros. didn’t want to deal with him...”
Andrew: That’s fucking crazy.
Andrea: Yeah.
Andrew: If we had a Spike Lee Space Jam.
Andrea: I really like imagining the Space Jam that would have existed if Spike Lee would have been in charge. What does Bugs Bunny have to say about the black urban experience.
Andrew: Exactly. It’s Do The Right Thing with Michael Jordan.
Trevor: I feel like Elmer Fudd would’ve got his ass shot.
Andrea: And deserved it. It isn’t like as ludicrious as I’d first thought reading that, because Spike Lee had been in those “gotta be da shoes” Nike commercials with Michael Jordan and Spike Lee would go on to direct an NBA All-Star two years later, Ray Allen was in one of his films, played a basketball prodigy son of Denzel Washington in He Got Game, which i have not seen, but is supposedly actually pretty decent, and Ray Allen does a really good job.
Andrew: What aliens did they play basketball against in that movie?
Andrea: You know, I didn’t read enough about it, but we’ll have to check out.
Trevor: I think it’s the same ones they play in White Men Can’t Jump.
Andrew: Just assuming every basketball movie.
Andrea: They play against aliens. I like in Air Bud when he plays against the aliens.
Andrew: That’s great, yeah, with Air Bud as the…
Trevor: Air Bud’s a basketball movie?
Andrea: Isn’t it?
Trevor: I’m just kidding.
Andrea: Oh yeah, oh yeah, “Air” is because of Michael Jordan.
Andrew: Right.
Trevor: Yeah.
Andrea: I only somehow just made that connection.
Trevor: Can you imagine if that movie had been made ten, fifteen years earlier, it would have been Magic Bud.
Andrea: Yeah.
Andrew: That’s true. Dammit.
Andrea: And there would have been people that think it’s a stoner movie.
Andrew: Magic Bud!
Trevor: Well it is a stoner movie.
Andrew: That’s true. A dog can play!
Andrea: Well, Air Bud was created the exact same way that Space Jam was created, they were like “let’s take basketball and mash it with, uh, what do people like? Dogs?”
Andrew: Dogs that do tricks!
Trevor: Dogs.
Andrea: Aliens? I don’t know. Looney Tunes?
Trevor: The aliens come to enslave the dogs.
Andrew: You know what? They were right. Those movies were hits.
Andrea: It’s true.
Andrew: So they nailed it.
Andrea; Michael Jordan would be a bit questionable of an actor. A huge chunk of the film is the opening montage, where he doesn’t have to do any acting because its just game clips. I think we did the math on it once, where literally a tenth of the film or something…
Andrew: Yeah, it’s like six minutes.
Andrea: It’s just a big montage.
Andrew: Just him dunking on people and smiling, the classic you know “it wasn’t me”, or “what can you do?” What do they call that look when he does that?
Andrea: Uh, I don’t know .
Trevor: What are you gonna do?
Andrea: What are you gonna do!
Andrew: Exactly.
Trevor: I’m walkin’ here!
Andrew: I’m walkin’ here! That’s right.
Andrea: And by 1995, when this was filmed, Michael Jordan was reasonably comfortable in front of the camera. He had been in sooo many commercials by this point. But obviously a feature-length film is a different story. When Michael was asked about the movie he said, “I think it’s gonna do fine. But I’m very nervous about it. This is a whole new arena for me, but it’s just been a lot of money invested in me, and hopefully I did my part. I tried to do it the best I could, and if it’s good… great. I may do it again. If it’s not, certainly I’ll know where I stand in that career. I’ll stick to the thirty-second commercials.” And if you like 30 second commercials, now we have a word from our sponsors!
[commercial break]
Andrea: And now we’re back from a word from our sponsors! He did not make any more, but the movie did do well enough there are people that tried to get Michael Jordan into other films.
Trevor; Yeah, what was that movie that you showed me where it’s like a robot assassin?
Andrew: Yeah, I guess he was so hyped up there…I can’t remember the name of the movie, but I’ll look it up.
Trevor: They’re like “what body do you want” and the robot looks over at the TV and Michael Jordan is dunking on the TV and the robot is like “I want to be like Mike.”
Andrew: No context, he’s just gained sentience, and this guy’s got Michael Jordan highlights. I think it’s called Solo. Something like that.
Trevor: And then they just make him some generic bald black guy that isn’t Michael Jordan.
Andrea: He looks nothing like Michael Jordan.
Andrew: That’s Michael Jordan. Nothing more racist than that.
Trevor: They wrote this movie with Michael Jordan in mind. They approached him.
Andrew: They thought he was going to do it and he said no and it’s like “damnit, we can’t throw away the script.”
Andrea: It’s too good.
Andrew: Get someone else.
Andrea: Don’t want to waste all of this masterpiece.
Andrew: Right. What if a killer robot looked like Michael Jordan? I guess it was like terminator rebooted or whatever, what if it’s Michael Jordan.
Andrea: We unfortunately don’t know how much Jordan was paid to do the film, but even him saying “there’s a lot of money invested in me” when he’s talking about it. It had to have been a fuckton.
Andrew: Of course, oh yeah.
Andrea: But were he actually made money for this…because really the movie is ultimately just a Michael Jordan commercial. It’s “Come see Michael Jordan play. Please wear the shoes that Michael Jordan wears, etc. etc.” They even explicitly make fun of that in doing product placement in the film.
Andrew: We know we’re literally…that’s what we’re doing, but it doesn’t matter because you’ll drink it up, you fucking sheep.
Trevor: He’s like in the hotel, they’ve got the McDonald’s very deliberately placed.
Andrea: I love that scene because, isn’t he shirtless in it? He’s like prime athlete body. And he’s just sitting in this like shitty hotel.
Andrew: Right.
Andrea; Eating McDonald’s
Trevor: Like Motel 6.
Andrew: He’s got chicken nuggets. Like no way, this did not happen.
Andrea: Michael Jordan would never step foot in this hotel in real life.
Andrew: Right. Doesn’t smoke any cigars.
Andrea: And he does not eat McDonald’s in real life. You can’t be a professional athlete and eat McDonald’s in real life.
Trevor: Tell that to Joel Embiid.
Andrea: And not squander your career being a fat ass. I can also kind of see Michael Jordan not wanting to do more films because he was so image-obsessed. I mean, he never spoke ill of Space Jam because that wouldn’t have been his deal.
Andrew: Right. It’s all about self-promotion.
Andrea: It’s kind of one of those things he rarely brings up even though, especially among our generation, Space Jam is like the Michael Jordan thing.
Andrew: Right.
Andrea: And it seems like he’s more embarrassed that he was in it, anytime he’s talked about it later.
Trevor: Can you imagine if it was the opposite, though, if he brought it up all the time?
Andrew: That’s so true! I never thought about it!
Andrea: All the time! They’re like “what about the fifth NBA championship you won?” “No, let’s talk about Space Jam.”
Trevor: Well when I was on Space Jam set…
Andrew: “Michael, can you talk to us a little about your father passing and how it affected your game?” “Well, we were filming Space Jam…”
Andrea: I’m glad my dad died because we would’ve never made Space Jam.
Andrew: We would never have Space Jam. Have you guys seen that? It’s on Hulu now. With director’s commentary. We had a lot of fun. Bugs and I had a lot of fun.
Trevor: We had a lot of fun.
Andrea: MJ’s always been an image-obsessed kind of guy, the guy who always insisted on being showered and changed into his suit with his diamond stud in his ear for post-game interviews. I could understand him not being the kind of guy who is comfortable watching himself goof around on screen, but he sure as hell did it for money. Looking at reviews from when Space Jam actually came out, I was actually surprised at how glowing some were of MJ’s acting specifically.
Trevor: Really?
Andrea: I think we can all agree that it was not that good.
Trevor: I would not call it the highligh of the film.
Andrea: No,
Andrew: Or acting. Much less praise it, apparently.
Andrea: Yeah, no, there’s a bunch of people that were like “oh and he…” …I think it’s in part that the bar for being an actor-athlete is pretty low. And just that the media just loved sucking Michael Jordan’s dick. It was the 90s and that was what you do.
Trevor: Suck dick back then. That’s what we used to do.
Andrew: Not Michael, not anymore. Too many cigars.
Trevor: Too much jaundice.
Andrea: Space Jam’s box office numbers were good, it made $230 million at the box office on a $90 million budget, but it was far from the top movie of 1996. That was Independence Day.
Andrew: Nice.
Andrea: It wasn’t even the top kids movie that year. The Hunchback of Notre Dame and the live action remake of 101 Dalmatians both beat Space Jam’s numbers.
Andrew: Damn.
Trevor: Wow.
Andrea: But, Space Jam was still probably the most profitable film of that year if you combine all that non-box office money.
Andrew: Oh, right.
Trevor: Those other movies had actual stories to them.
Andrew: These are just commercials to buy things that they could later make money off of.
Andrea: On top of the box office, Space Jam made $200 million in home video sales and the soundtrack sold over 6 million copies. And that’s not even touching the merchandise. Much like how Michael Jordan’s NBA salary was pocket change compared to the money he was making on endorsements, the box office sales for Space Jam were just pocket change compared to the merchandise. The Chicago Tribune estimated a total of $1.2 Billion was made selling Space Jam t-shirts and birthday cake toppers, shower curtains, there was a fuckton of just shit.
Andrew: We actually had a discussion years ago about whether we should roast this movie or not with our producer, and he was like “nobody cares about Space Jam” and I’m like “I promise you bro.” My wife and I went to the mall later and they might as well have a Space Jam store because we went into one of those 90s retro..and everything was fucking Space Jam. It’s like 20 or whatever 25 years later, it is still prevalent.
Andrea: Yeah, they’re still selling stuff with Space Jam logos on it.
Andrew: It’s so popular.
Andrea: It’s ridiculous. And it really is just that merchandising machine.
Trevor: It’s so funny, too. People I remember, when we were like “we’re going to roast this movie”, people were like “you can’t roast that movie!”
Andrew: It’s sacred.
Trevor: It’s the perfect movie! I’m like “you have not seen it recently, have you?”
Andrew: Six-year-old has an image in your head.
Andrea: The nostalgia goggles you’re looking at this film through, yeah.
Andrew: Listen, I know Mike sucks, but I’m a big Wayne Knight guy. He does a great job. You said VHS sales, like $200 million, I’ll say this. For Christmas, I’d only Space Jam once and I didn’t really remember seeing it, but then they were marketing it like a motherfucker for Christmas, so my mom got it for me, but she bought it at a flea market and it was in Spanish. So we would watch Space Jam from time to time, my brother and I, in Spanish. Yo soy Miguel Jordan.
Andrea: Andrew is now fluent in Spanish because of that.
Andrew: Right, but only in Space Jam references.
Andrea: When he talks to a native Spanish speaker, they’re like “why do you sound like a Looney Tune?”
Trevor: Andrew, there’s a story that he onced hitchhiked his way across Mexico using only Space Jam lines.
Andrew: Only Space Jam quotes.
Andrea: On top of this, there’s no way of measuring how many kids saw Space Jam and insisted their parents buy them Jordan shoes, that kind of thing. Or even how many millennials today are still buying Jordan shoes in part because of Space Jam nostalgia. And yeah, a huge part of the film’s success was certainly built on the success of the soundtrack. The rap was popular among kids at a time, when…
Andrew: Kids and their rap.
Andrea: This was the peak of like rap for preteens. I think Will Smith’s first album dropped that same year. It’s like “oh we can do rap without swear words on it” and kids are going to fucking love it.
Andrew: Tell them to come on and jam!
Trevor: This was shortly before the movie Wild Wild West.
Andrew: Destroyed that and then wrapped up hard in response.
Andrea: They were like “never again!”
Andrew: Never again will Wild Wild West be what rap is.
Andrea: Actually…I do not have any real facts on this, but I remember reading an article at one point about Wild Wild West merchandising. How they thought they were going to sell a fuckton of action figures and stuff off of it and it was a huge flop.
Andrew: Oh no.
Andrea: Not because the movie sucked necessarily, but because they really thought that there were going to be all these tie-ins and it just didn’t
Andrew: Right, a steampunk spider, everyone’s going to want that.
Andrea: Not like they want a toothbrush holder with Space Jam on it, I’ll tell you that.
Andrew: That’s very true.
Andrea: On this album, also, Seal had a decent cover of “Fly Like An Eagle”, but the biggest hit was definitely “I Believe I Can Fly”. It won a few Grammy’s. It was a big deal. Actually, I believe “I Believe I Can Fly” plays three different times in the movie.
Andrew: Yep.
Andrea; It’s definitely the anthem of the
Andrew: Definitely at the beginning and then at the end when he gets out of the spaceship.
Andrea: And then in the credits.
Andrew: Probably.
Andrea: So yeah, we heard it three times in that movie, and then a million different times for the rest of the late 90s. You could not go to the grocery store in 1997 without hearing it overhead.
Trevor: I believe I can fly.
Andrew: That’s so true.
Andrea: It was pretty ubiquitous.
Andrew: That definitely brings me back, like roller skating
Trevor: Yeah.
Andrew: Damn, that’s so true.
Andrea: And like middle school dances.
Andrew: Oh my god.
Trevor: That’s what I was thinking, just being nervous to ask a girl to dance to that song.
Andrea; And think like “no, I can fly.” If Michael Jordan can stretch his arm to dunk, I can ask that girl to dance.
Andrew: Thanks, R. Kelly, for giving me the strength.
Trevor: How did he come back?
Andrea: I mean, it is a pretty good song.
Andrew: Oh yeah!
Andrea: It’s beautiful.
Andrew: Yeah, no problem with the…
Andrea: The gospel-music inspired pop song with the nice palatable theme that everyone can get behind, reaching for your dreams, all that jazz. It’s a banger.
Andrew: Right, it’s a banger.
Trevor: It’s a fucking banger.
Andrea: Which would be awesome except for the fact that the singer R. Kelly is a monster who ruined the lives of dozens of women and girls. In a review of the song, contemporary, from Larry Flick in Billboard magazine discussed “I Believe I Can Fly” saying…this did not age well…“Two of Chicago’s finest, R. Kelly and Michael Jordan, have spiritually teamed up for “I Believe”...”
Trevor: Spiritually?
Andrea: Spiritually teamed up.
Andrew: How do you spiritually team up with somebody? You could say that about anything, “I was spiritually teamed up with Paul McCartney when I made this.”
Andrea: Everything I do, I’m spiritually teamed up with Michael Jordan.
Trevor: I want you to be spiritually teamed up with Christ.
Andrea: Anyway, he goes on, “No, Jordan doesn’t sing here, though his essence is all over the track.”
Trevor: Essence.
Andrew: In what way?
Andrea: “ ‘I Believe’ is highly inspirational, embodying the mind-set of the two superstars: ‘If I can dream it, I can achieve it.” A great motivator for the children who will flock to the silver screen for Jordan.” Six years later, R. Kelly would be caught up in a child pornography and sexual abuse scandal. So, “a great motivator for the children.”
Andrew: But they’re still bringing him back for Space Jam 2 . “I Still Believe I Can Fly.” “I’m fighting for me life.”
Andrea: Supposedly, R. Kelly wrote “I Believe I Can Fly” specifically at the request of Michael Jordan. He was like “hey this is a guy I’m a fan of, he’s a Chicago native, whatever.” And it was a big image turn around for him. R. Kelly had previously been known for sexual R&B songs like “Bump and Grind” and “Your Body’s Callin’”, so he seemed a weird choice to make an inspirational song for a kid’s movie. But obviously it worked. Possibly a little to well. The world let R. Kelly get away with a lot of terrible shit just because “I Believe I Can Fly” is a banger.
Andrew: Come on now, Space Jam is good.
Andrea: Even after the infamous pee tape came out, a lot of people still trusted R. Kelly because like, he wrote that song that made my mom cry at my middle school graduation.
Andrew: Oh my God.
Andrea; How could he be bad? And yeah, we can’t 100% blame Michael Jordan for R. Kelly’s crimes, but the Space Jam platform was definitely helpful for his horrendous actions. And I can 100% condemn Michael Jordan for hiring R. Kelly to perform at his 50th birthday party in 2013. That’s late enough that we knew better.
Andrew: God, I wish there were video footage of him singing at that party, because you know he sang this fucking song at that birthday party.
Andrea: You know it was just “I Believe I Can Fly” on repeat.
Andrew: Do it again! Do it again!
Trevor: Michael’s just over there with his cigar. He’s singing along.
Andrew: He’s just watching highlights of himself. Noone else was allowed at the party.
Andrea: His birthday party was just him and R. Kelly singing to him.
Trevor: A bunch of caterers and shit.
Andrew: Forced to be there.
Andrea; So there is a sequel in the making, happening here supposedly for Space Jam. It’s been talked about for a long time. There’s actually been a lot of potential sequels in the past, there was like talk of a Tiger Woods one, like a golf Space Jam.
Andrew: That’s…wow,
Andrea: That would have been cool, I think.
Andrew: That would’ve been interesting.
Andrea: Though, Tiger Woods now is also not allowed to be a chid icon. There was a race car one that I don’t remember who was supposed to be the thing…
Andrew: Jeff Gordon or something?
Andrea: Yeah, some big…
Andrew: Dale Earnhart?
Trevor: Danica Patrick.
Andrew: That’s right, Danica Patrick.
Andrea: Yeah, so there’s been a lot of talk about different sports ones, but it is going to be another basketball one. Lebron is confirmed doing a second Space Jam, here. And I think we can’t really settle any sort of debate about who the greatest of all time is until we see…
Andrew: Until we know…
Andrea: …how Lebron does in this.
Trevor: Yeah, once Lebron’s Space Jam comes out, that will be the deciding factor.
Andrea: The tie-breaker is always, “how did you do in Space Jam?” when it comes to…
Andrew: Well and in Space Jam 2, he’s also going to pass to JR Smith late. “What are you doing? Shoot it! Shoot it! Bugs' has gotta…”
Trevor: JR will forget how much time is left, they lose.
Andrew: Shit! And then the Looney Tunes become enslaved.
Trevor: The Looney Tunes enslaved forever.
Andrea: I really want Michael Jordan to be the bad guy in the sequel.
Andrew: He’s gotta be in it, right? Do you think he’ll be in it?
Andrea: I don’t know. I feel like he doesn’t want to and he does have a lot of money. But there’s a lot of cultural pressure, too. And I think he likes being in the spotlight and he’s been in the spotlight a lot more recently with like The Last Dance and all that.
Andrew: He might want to continue that, then. How cool would that be, though? As shitty as the movie is, if you don’t expect it and then they’re down and then he fucking comes to help them.
Andrea: I want Michael Jordan to come in like how Bill Murray does, like “duh-da-da-da-da-da-duuhhh!”
Andrew: Right, yeah, exactly. Like Captain America, he’ll, you know, the rings will come and…
Andrea: Or I want him to be the bad guy and he’s trying to enslave the Looney Tunes to make Nike shoes.
Andrew: They’re not cheap enough to make!
Trevor: Everyone buys shoes.
Andrew: Looney Tunes never sleep! They don’t need food.
Andrea: Joe Pytka, who I realize I’ve quoted quite a few times here, but I think most people involved in Space Jam…
Trevor: Didn’t want to talk about it?
Andrea: …didn’t want to talk about it, but if you’re Joe Pytka, this is the highlight of your career. You talk about nothing but Space Jam.
Trevor: Joe Pytka is the guy that always talks about Space Jam, brings it up.
Andrea: Absolutely,
Andrew: He’s the one keeping the website going.
Andrea: Yeah, he’s paying the $11 to GoDaddy.
Andrew: If you email, he’ll respond. Contact us.
Andrea; There’s a litle corner that just says “Chat with Joe.”
Trevor: Well it says “one of our representatives”, but it’s always Joe.
Andrew: But you know…
Andrea: It’s always Joe. But anyway, he doesn’t think that…this is before the Lebron one was confirmed, but he was like, he really doesn’t think that another Space Jam could be made because his was so great. He says, "It just shows you the power Michael had that transcended sport. Try making a movie like that with Kobe Bryant ... please. And Shaq did a couple movies that tanked. Dwight Howard wants to do a movie but, really?”
Trevor: Hey, what is that Shaq movie because it was great. Where he’s a genie?
Andrew: Kazaam?
Trevor: Kazaam.
Andrew: And then there’s Steel.
Trevor: Oh yeah, Steel! Oh my god!
Andrea: I feel like Shaq’s a better actor than Michael.
Andrew: Oh yeah.
Trevor: He is. Kazaam was amazing. All right, no. I bet if I could watch it now it would be ass.
Andrea: No, I’m sure it’s ass.
Andrew: It’s just his personality, too. Michael was like a recluse and Shaq is the opposite.
Andrea: There’s a reason that Michael Jordan is not a face of like Inside the NBA commentating…
Andrew: Right, exactly.
Andrea: He’s pushing money around and bulling players on the Charlotte Hornets.
Andrew: That’s very true.
Andrea: But yeah, I guess supposedly Dwight Howard actually approached Joe Pytka to make Space Jam 2 and he was like “no”. But can you? I mean, I like Dwight Howard all right, but that’s a pretty…
Andrew: That’s a huge step-down. There’s no way.
Andrea: That’s about what I got for today!
Trevor: Cool!
Andrea: Yeah, thank you for slamming with us, Andrew!
Trevor: Yeah, thanks for coming, man.
Andrew: No, of course, I loved it.
Andrea: Do you want to plug any of your things?
Andrew: Sure, I’ll plug some stuff. We do improv online now, at least until the quarantine is over, we’ll see when that is…we’ll find out if we’re live then! But that’s CrowdSourced Comedy, check it out on facebook. As well as my wife and I make YouTube videos @SprogeComedy, check our stuff. We make ex-Mormon videos on Sundays and then regular videos throughout the week, so check that out. And then the film roast of Space Jam, as we said, it’s going to be great.
Andrea: And again, we’ll have a link to that.
Andrew: Even if you just watched it. You can roast it in your mind.
Andrea: If you haven’t seen Space Jam since you were a child, it’s worth the rewatch, just to remember how stupid you were as a kid.
Trevor: So you can spread the word.
Andrew: And just give up this inane idea that it’s a great movie that noone should ever touch or talk about in a negative way.
Andrea: Excellent. And you can follow Fuck Michael Jordan @fmjpod on all of your social media things. Follow us, like us, rate us, review us on all of the podcast things, you know how this works. Ummm…and join us next week, we’ll be talking about Michael Jordan’s rookie year.
Guest: Fuck Michael Jordan.
Andrea: Fuck Michael Jordan is produced by Walk and Roll Productions. Written by Andrea Kelley. Audio Engineering by Trevor Kelley. Art by Spencer Walker. Theme music by Artlss.
